Why school isn’t the best place for my child
I’ve noticed amongst my mama friends that there is a perpetuated tone that we are not the best for our children. We live in a culture of institutionalisation. We live in a culture of guilt. We are constantly being told how things ‘should’ be. We should have our babies in hospital, we should put them into daycare, we should go back to work, we should be sending our kids to school.
Lots of people I talk to about educating the kids at home respond with ‘Oh, I’d love to but I’m not… [good enough]‘. They might believe they’re not patient enough, or educated enough or driven enough. They believe they just aren’t good enough to facilitate their child’s education.
And those people aren’t to blame because everything around us is designed to tell us we’re not – even mothers are telling mothers they’re not good enough.
Now the thing is – I absolutely believe Errol and I are not only GOOD enough to educate our children at home but we are the BEST people to educate them.
We love them more than anyone else, we KNOW them better than anyone, we have the greatest vested interest in their personal success.
No one, not even the most gifted and committed teacher, will be able to match our desire to see them become happy, intelligent and whole adults.
Which is why I think – we of all people – should be the ones in charge of their education.
This Ted Talk by Sir Ken Robinson is an excellent look at many of the issues our children are facing in the school system. It’s twenty minutes long but well worth your time. Put it on and paint your toes nails while you listen! Watch it!
Now. Don’t get me wrong. I did well in school. I loved school. I did well as an ‘academic’. Annnnd I also believe there are incredible teachers working in schools every day, who share their love of learning with their students. I love this speech which was giving by a graduating valedictorian speaking out against the school system (the description below has the transcript of speech if you’d prefer to read it). I think it’s important to note that not all the people who are against the school system feel this way because they didn’t excel within that system.
The truth is – the fundamentals of our current school system are flawed and I don’t want my children to grow up in this institution.
You know what gets me? Our children are children just once and Errol and I are not prepared to give up this precious time with them to a system that cannot cater to who THEY are (and instead requires them to cater to their system).
I want to spend my children’s childhood WITH them – growing and learning together, as a family. I genuinely believe this is where they belong and how humans were designed to survive and flourish. If I have learned one thing since becoming a parent it’s that I have a whole lot more to learn from the kids than they do from me. Nothing excites me more than thinking about all the incredible things my children and I will learn together.
“Thank goodness I was never sent to school; it would have rubbed off some of the originality.”
Helen Beatrix Potter
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
— Albert Einstein
This is the third post in a five part series.
If you missed the others you can find them here: What is an Education?, Natural Learning, Socialisation & Convenience & freedom
Well said Georgia. “We live in a culture of institutionalisation. We live in a culture of guilt. We are constantly being told how things ‘should’ be. We should have our babies in hospital, we should put them into daycare, we should go back to work, we should be sending our kids to school.”
I too believe that our current education system is flawed and the majority of society thinks it’s ok to send their children to an institution which would eventually kill off our children’s creativity and happiness. I believe our current edu system is designed to mould the individual to a non-thinker thus easier to be manipulated and controlled.
I haven’t yet watch the video though. Some other time
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Georgia Reply:
November 23rd, 2011 at 8:31 pm
Did you watch it yet Juliet? It’s a great video! I agree that our education system is designed to dumb us down and make us passive citizens.
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Um…back again! Just wanted to say I LOVED the talk by Sir Ken Robinson. I thoroughly agree that the current education system needs an overhaul. I find it interesting when politicians talk about ‘improving’ our systems when it seem nothing ever really seems to change (at least not drastically).
I’ve decided my hubby needs to read these posts you’re doing. He’s pretty much on the negative side of homeschooling because all the homeschoolers he’s ever met have turned out to be socially inept (including about half my family — I would lump myself in the socially inept half…just not as bad as some?!). I know this is really a separate issue but he (and I really) have seen a lot of ex-pats home-school and their kids have really missed out on the cultural experience of living overseas…but I think in many cases (often in religious families), this is all too common in ‘the West’ too. I want him to read these posts you’re doing because I think its refreshing to see someone homeschooling because they genuinely believe they can give their children the best education possible — not because the world is evil!
We’ve a Rudolph Steiner ‘school’ about 20 minutes from us in Lismore that I’m pretty keen to check out. I think in ‘my’ perfect world, education would still be more of a community thing (village concept) but it would be parent directed, life experience based, not just one teacher, and definitely not one age group together (I HATE that part about institutionalised schooling).
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Georgia Reply:
November 16th, 2011 at 9:46 pm
Well, tomorrow IS a post about socialisation
I think that there are lot of parents who homeschool for the wrong reasons – ie – they don’t want their child to interact with the world. I want to keep my kids out of school so they can be in the real world, interacting as much as they can.
Ideally I think that there should be more community going on in raising children, yes. It’s really sad that there isn’t.
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This subject you are putting on the table, well….. it’s just so good to have someone unravel it bit by bit and reflect about it all.
I must say I havn’t even given it a thought about where we want to “educate” our 1 year old, because WE are barely yet where WE want to be!!, this is really heavy. And I guess it’s all part of the same viciuos cycle. When I was younger, I still remember how I felt there was something wrong, I wasn’t supposed to be there! at school, I felt it in my guts and was a bit rebellious about it. Why did I have to wear a uniform everyday!!?? Why did I have to seat and listen to things I didn’t understand!!?? I talked about it to my parents, we talked about changing school, and how everything was going to make sense LATER when I really NEEDED IT… I see what you are saying and it makes SO MUCH SENSE!! It makes me sad for my child inside…and that I couldn’t keep listening to her…
And it’s all about being brave NOW, for what we’ve allways felt was right, but couldn’t do much about it. I mean be brave because it’s not an easy desicion to make, where we live this is not even a subject really, people talk about it but don’t really think about doing anything about it. We work, we need to make money to live, we don’t have time for our kids, we need them to be occupied somewhere else… OMG!!!!! why did we bring them here in the first place then?? And have I mentioned I live in Chile where there is a MAJOR education revolution taking place right now??, the children of our country have lost their scool year fighting against the stupid institution, who privatized education which is now just a business…
I thank you so so so much for this insight, and will be keeping up with all these posts. <3 <3 <3
Paula.
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Georgia Reply:
November 23rd, 2011 at 8:34 pm
Hi Paula, thank you for your comment and thoughts, they were beautifully expressed. It is kinda hard to be brave about it, isn’t? When every one else is going the other way but you know in your gut it’s not right for you. I hope you can be brave and do what makes your family happy. xo
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I did not send my children to childcare because I wanted to be with them and enjoy them while they are young. I don’t know why that would stop at age 5.
I read a eulogy online once of a father who lost his son at age 19. He was praising God that they had made the decision to homeschool their children, so he had not missed out on spending one day with his son throughout his life.
I love reading these posts because of your confidence. I have the conviction to home school my children but I struggle to overcome that mentality that has been pushed on me of not being enough for my children. If someone really gets into me about homeschooling I end up all emotionally shaky and end up questioning my capabilities. I’m more convinced than ever that I need to get down to writing my own list of goals etc for my kids, so I can look over that and be reassured when my confidence is failing. I’m sure that the years will add wisdom also. I once upon a time got scared because companies told me my breastmilk wasn’t enough for my growing child- they needed more than me in that area too. I know that’s a lie. Presumably I’ll grow in confidence over the years in other areas too (I hope!).
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Georgia Reply:
November 23rd, 2011 at 8:40 pm
Thank you for this comment Lauren. I know I must seem really confidant and I feel that way too – but that’s what happens when you really research something and decide what is going to work for you. I’ve researched this for years, I know exactly what I want for my kids and it isn’t school. But! I am lucky. Errol rarely disagrees with anything I say (as in never) and I have a family history of making decisions against the grain. I think it’s infinitely harder when people around you aren’t supporting your choices. xo
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I want to say THANK YOU!!!
I remember a conversation I had with you a year or 2 ago about school and at that point I felt I was not good enough to teach my children. After speaking with you I knew homeschooling was what I wanted for my kids.
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Georgia Reply:
November 23rd, 2011 at 8:40 pm
Thank you Abbi! I am glad that conversation had that effect. I remember that conversation too!
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Hi Georgia!
I commented on a couple of your youtube posts a while back and have been visiting your blog quite regularly since then. Probably about time I said hi!
I’ve also been thinking a lot about school lately, somewhat prematurely as my daughter is only just one year old! I teach a couple of half days a week at one of the more expensive (I guess you would say ‘elite’) private schools in Adelaide so I am exposed to the effects, good and bad, of education on a regular basis.
Homeschooling has definitely crossed my mind as an option, and it’s something that I’m currently looking into. I suppose my main reservation about homeschooling is that I worry about giving my kids a limited view of the world. I know they would interact with our family friends and their children, but is that enough? I’m not sure. I went to public schools and loved them, and still remember clearly the little anecdotes and personalilities of some of the amazing teachers I came across, particularly in high school. And these are people I would never have met, and whose experiences I wouldn’t have learnt from, without attending school. I also still have some really close friends who, again, I wouldn’t have met as our parents are quite different people.
I love the community of a school, and the fact that, particularly in a public school, you have such a cross-section of society. The school I teach at now is lacking severely in that department – about 70% of the kids that I teach come from two-doctor families. There are a fair few lawyers in the other 30%! Some of these kids are, quite literally, clueless about the real world!
It’s not that I doubt my ability to teach, it’s more that I feel that I want my kids to gain insight from LOTS of people, and not just the ones I have chosen to have in my life.
At this point I am favouring a Steiner school, though that does bring its own set of social limitations with it. I guess you can’t have everything though.
It’s a really interesting topic, I look forward to more posts. I’ve really enjoyed visiting your blog, your bubs are beautiful!
x
Briohny
PS – The one thing that really got me started thinking about all of this happened about a month ago at the school where I work. There was a class of little year ones walking through the school and I was walking behind them. There were three little girls holding hands, looking very adorable, and I was having an ‘awww’ moment, when I noticed a little girl in front of them. She was smaller and had hearing aids and glasses, and she kept stopping and trying to hold hands with one of them. I tuned into their conversation and heard the three little girls saying “No! You can’t hold our hands! You’re not our friend!” The girl who was on her own was crying and pleading, she kept saying “Please? Please?”. It was truly heartbreaking. It scares me, and illustrates that not all of the ‘socialisation’ aspects of school are necessarily positive!
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Georgia Reply:
November 23rd, 2011 at 8:46 pm
Hi Briohny, thank you for this lovely long comment. It’s nice to ‘meet’ you!
I guess as far as the limited view of the world – that really depends on what sort of lifestyle you are planning to have with your children. Errol and I intended to travel and to continue interacting with a variety of different social groups to give our children a really diverse exposure. I would definitely think it is more diverse than what a child might find in a school because though you may have a cross-section of society you really do only cover one area of one town and the students tend to stay the same. Peach has already been to the Philippines and we will continue to expose our kids to all different walks of life.
That little story is quite sad
I heard something incredibly shocking and sad out of some young teenagers on the train the other day and all I could think was “oh thank god my kids aren’t going to school”.
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I wish I did not have to put my daughter in day care, but I have to. I never went to school and today I am catching up and go to Tafe Once a week as well as work two days!! What would I do with her if there was no day care???? I would not work, nor would I get an education for myself!
Unfortunately, I dont have family here to help! I dont have friends either!!! So I dont have a choice…yet I feel like Im a bad mother for putting her into day care!!!
I feel like I have to justifier myself…And yes I do enjoy having an hour or so to do some sewing every now and then!!!
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My son is 14 and the last two years he has been homeschooled. We have experienced both sides of the fence and I have to say that it has been the best decision we have made. We get questioned all the time….why…..I say why not! There is not one way to make a cake, there is not one way to educate our kids. My son is happy, confident, self motivated and excited about his future. I cannot say the same about other 14 year olds that I meet….most of them talk about trials and tribulations of school and I have to wonder if they are this stressed now, what does the future hold for them? The biggest thing I have learnt is that if the child themselves want to be homeschooled the more successful the outcome. Giving them a voice helps them feel confident to make choices that will help them in their future.
I stand tall and love educating others (when asked) about why we made this decision as I totally beleive school teaches the kids to conform and not think outside the square, to blend in and not stand out and that as long as they meet x then that is satisfactory. How about being the best that they can be no matter what x is?
Thanks for the great post!
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